On June 7, the 2025 China Family Sailing Race – Qinhuangdao International Tourism Port Station, organized by the Chinese Yachting Association, kicked off in Qinhuangdao, Hebei Province. Photo: IC PHOTO

---

Since 2023, the topic of “cutting off family ties” has repeatedly gone viral on Chinese social media. While much of the conversation is driven by members of the post-1990 and post-2000 generations, many from the post-1970 and post-1980 cohorts have also joined the discussion. The ethical tensions reflected in this phenomenon are hardly new—they have long existed within Chinese family life. What’s changed are the outlooks, behaviors, and modes of expression among today’s youth, which lend these acts of severing ties a new layer of social meaning.

Blood alone doesn’t bind

Conflicts among siblings in older generations have always been common. Emotional wounds, disputes over interests, and even antagonistic public clashes—especially in contexts like village politics—are more likely to arise in interactions among extended family members, including clansmen, in-laws, and cousins. When such tensions escalate into irreconcilable conflicts, the first step is often the cessation of meaningful mutual aid and communication, a state colloquially described as no longer “keeping in touch.” As relations deteriorate further, ceremonial gestures such as exchanging gifts at weddings and funerals, visiting during the Spring Festival, or sweeping ancestral tombs together also come to an end. Once the point of no return is reached, the rupture becomes public within the kin network or local community, often triggering a ripple effect that pressures other relatives to take sides. At this point, reconciliation becomes nearly impossible.

Absent a powerful external intervention, estranged parties rarely mend such rifts on their own. Any attempt by one side to reach out is likely to be interpreted by the other as a sign of guilt, weakness, or capitulation. Moreover, these ruptures between elders often spill over to affect their children. Parents may compel their children to adopt the same stance, presenting a united front against the estranged relatives. In more extreme cases, they may expect the next generation to carry on the feud, requiring their children to treat the other party’s children with the same hostility. For example, cousins who once played together innocently may suddenly be forbidden by their parents from continuing the friendship. If they disobey and maintain contact, it is seen as an act of filial disloyalty.

Historically, the phenomenon of elders cutting ties with relatives has always existed, regarded as a private matter within kinship networks. As such, it has rarely attracted the attention of scholars or the media and seldom entered the realm of public discourse. The historical persistence of such ruptures among elders shows that cutting off family ties is not a new phenomenon. Yet the younger generation’s engagement with estrangement has shifted markedly over the past several decades.

In traditional culture, kinship was mystified or sacralized, regarded as inviolable and central to the moral order of human relationships. The current trend of young people severing ties with relatives pulls kinship down from its sacred pedestal and subjects it to re-evaluation in the context of everyday life. This marks a clear process of “disenchantment.” At the same time, other forms of human connection, such as friendship, romantic relationships, and social bonds, are undergoing similar processes of disenchantment and rationalization. In this sense, the social significance of cutting off family ties may extend far beyond the specific act of demystifying kinship itself.

Cutting ties is choosing family

Cutting off family ties does not mean severing all kinship relationships. Rather, it involves selectively distancing oneself from certain relatives while preserving or even strengthening relationships with others. In other words, individuals reconstruct their own kinship networks according to personal wishes, replacing formal kinship with practical relationships. This process legitimizes a shift from inherited obligation to selective connection. As ties with more peripheral relatives are pruned away, the bond between parents and adult children becomes increasingly central. The result is an elevation of the parent–child relationship to a position of unparalleled importance. 

When parents side with their children—or at least tolerate their decision to cut contact with certain relatives—the concept of parent-child unity and intergenerational family solidarity is further reinforced, which can also be seen as a positive return for the parents. At the same time, this unity provides both the rationale and the emotional strength needed for young people to carry out estrangement. As the phenomenon of cutting ties enters public discourse, the foundational role of the parent-child relationship is further empowered, emerging as the bedrock of a redefined kinship order.

Today’s young people are often met with understanding and tolerance from their own parents, who were themselves once young. Each generation, upon becoming parents, tends to show more acceptance and respect for their children’s autonomy than their own parents did. Thus, by the 2020s, many young adults have reached a point where they can define and construct kinship networks according to their needs and preferences. Beyond explicitly declared estrangements, the most common and effective approach is often a gradual form of “cold treatment,”—scaling back contact over time until the relationship is completely severed. Kinship, once a matter of inheritance and obligation, has now become a matter of choice. This shift is significant and reflects the growing agency of individuals and a profound transformation in the meaning of family.

A variety of structural and cultural factors—such as increased access to information, expanded opportunities for reflection, greater social mobility, peer affirmation, and improved material conditions—have contributed to the development of richer, more assertive individual subjectivity, especially among youth. When faced with unacceptable kinship relations, they question and resist. Altogether, this amounts to a deepening of individual agency. Parents’ tolerance and relative understanding are also crucial because parental acceptance influences the attitudes of other relatives.

What standards do contemporary youth apply when “choosing family”? First, they critically reflect upon traditional  hierarchical relations based solely on seniority. The most detested relatives are those who assert a perceived right to discipline or control the younger generation. Second, increased intergenerational intimacy means that parental love outweighs many traditional norms of kinship. Affection begins to hold ethical significance. In the past, filial piety was a rigid moral obligation, while affection was merely an additional benefit. Today, affection itself increasingly rises to an ethical level, becoming a guiding principle for moral behavior.

In most cases, cutting off family ties is less an act of unilateral rebellion than a tacit agreement between adult children and their parents. This shared understanding stems from their intergenerational closeness and sense of unity. Parents and children now often form an emotionally exclusive unit—one that not only deprioritizes lateral bonds such as those between spouses, but also actively rejects “bad relatives” who are seen as meddlesome, unhelpful, or devoid of genuine affection. 

In short, the essence of cutting off family ties is “choosing family.” Choosing family involves severing ties with “bad relatives,” retaining “good relatives,” and strengthening the parent-child relationship. Ultimately, the bond between parent and child emerges as the most trusted and enduring connection—one that offers the greatest reliability, emotional security, and mutual protection under any circumstances.

Family meaning shifts with youth autonomy

In online discussions about cutting ties, young people tend to focus less on conflicts within the broader kinship network and more on the emotional trauma associated with their immediate families. Yet, no matter how harsh their critiques, the mutual dependence between parents and children never truly weakens. In truth, their desire to “cut off” family ties often stems from a longing for a more idealized parent–child relationship. Young people emphasize individual rights but often resist any binding obligations or responsibilities. This trait also reflects their search for personal meaning, which is evident in the language and actions surrounding estrangement.

Underlying today’s family changes are profound shifts in values that are multifaceted and sometimes contradictory. Contemporary youth are undergoing a broad process of disenchantment and rationalization. Cutting off ties is, in essence, an expression of disenchantment with kinship. As traditional kinship loses its mysterious, unquestioned, and binding social values and functions, it becomes a highly practical, instrumental resource. This means each individual can decide how or whether to use this resource according to personal needs. Viewed this way, estrangement appears as a rational outcome. Similarly, the meaning of family is shifting, from being the purpose of individual existence (“existence for the family”) toward becoming a means to pursue personal happiness (“building family for individual happiness”). This transformation perpetuates trends that began in the late 20th century but introduces new features and potential consequences.

Whether in the form of cutting ties or more subtle changes in family dynamics, these phenomena are all rooted in the expansion of individual agency. Kinship, once something passively inherited, can now be actively chosen—and even redefined. This does not mean that kinship bonds have disappeared altogether, given everyone has relatives they cherish. For example, in recent years, the role of the “younger aunt” has become popular online. Among young people returning home for the Spring Festival, this aunt archetype has come to symbolize the “good relative”—a counterpoint to the more rigid, authoritarian family figures of the past.

From a societal perspective, the phenomenon of cutting ties carries significant and far-reaching implications. One notable trend is the contraction of kinship-based social structures, with families becoming increasingly smaller and more independent units. Meanwhile, the semi-public spaces and larger social groups traditionally created by kinship are losing their importance. This seems to be part of the broader modernization process. Currently, whether the development of young people’s sense of responsibility can keep pace with their sense of rights and freedom of choice remains an open question. The current imbalance is related to the broader social environment and to the strong unity between parents and children, including a proclivity towards overprotection by parents. Looking ahead, we hope that a new, mutually beneficial form of cooperation will emerge between the state and families to better support both family and individual well-being.

Yan Yunxiang is from the Department of Anthropology at UCLA; Kang Lan is from the Institute of Sociology at Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences.

Edited by WANG YOURAN